If we regularly get into bed, enjoy being in bed, and sleep well in bed, our mind associates the bed with sleep and relaxation. If we regularly get into bed and spend a lot of time wide awake, feeling frustrated, angry, anxious, or worried, then our mind associates the bed with a lot of unpleasant wakefulness.

If our mind has learned to associate the bed with unpleasant wakefulness, it can activate the body’s “fight or flight” response when we go to bed in order to protect us from the perceived threat associated with being in bed. Of course, this is not helpful when it comes to sleep since sleep only happens when we are sleepy enough for sleep and when we are calm and relaxed enough for sleep.

The good news is that you can form a new, more helpful association and help make the bed a longterm trigger for sleep. This is typically done by using the bed only for sleep and by getting out of bed if sleep doesn’t seem to be happening.

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One of the most popular ways to implement this technique is based on the estimate of time — if you’ve been awake for 1530 minutes, that is your cue to get out of bed for 1530 minutes before returning to bed and repeating the process.

Sometimes, the very thought (and required effort) involved in getting in and out of bed — perhaps throughout the night — can itself generate arousal and lead to people quite understandably not trying the technique or abandoning the technique before they get results.

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So, for people who find the idea of estimating periods of wakefulness during the night and who find the idea of getting out of bed to be worse than staying in bed, I like to suggest a slightly different approach — if you are awake at night but being in bed feels good, allow yourself to remain in bed because conditions are probably right for sleep.

If, on the other hand, you are awake in bed and it doesn’t feel good — for example your mind is racing, you are worried, frustrated, angry, or anxious — then you might use that as a prompt to get out of bed and do something you find relaxing and enjoyable until you feel conditions are better for sleep. Then, you might return to bed and repeat this process as needed.

When you implement this technique, getting out of bed should always be a more appealing alternative to staying in bed because you are only getting out of bed when being in bed doesn’t feel good. You are also giving yourself the opportunity to shift focus and attention away from sleep by engaging in a relaxing and somewhat enjoyable activity (watching TV is just fine), and you prevent yourself from reinforcing a negative association between the bed and unpleasant wakefulness.

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Every minute you spend asleep in bed, and every minute you spend out of bed when being in bed doesn’t feel good, is a minute spent retraining your mind to associate the bed with sleep and pleasant wakefulness. The end result is you make your bed a strong longterm trigger for sleep and you give yourself a more pleasant alternative to staying in bed when being in bed doesn’t feel good.

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My name is Martin Reed and I am the founder of Insomnia Coach®. I offer sleep coaching services that give people with insomnia all the skills and support they need to enjoy better sleep for the rest of their lives. I also offer a free twoweek sleep training course for people with insomnia at https://insomniacoach.com/sleeptrain...

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