"Awaken, ye lot! The castle's vulnerable to attack! Your Queen demands the Royal Guard post haste!" No, not you, Simpleton, lest you think your foul odour enough to vanquish intruders. On second thought, stand ready. "Dimwits! Awaken, I say!"

No response. Nothing. 'Tis up to me to defend this new castle lest all perish in the dark of night. And then what? Would breakfast be late? Could the rations in my bowl be cut by half? I can't bear to think of it. I must ward off the intrusion and let the meows of war to reach a fever pitch!

Dawn breaks. I alone have succeeded in defending the castle against the onslaught. The Dimwits, oblivious to the tragedy that nearly befell them, are neither relieved nor grateful. After a long night of battle I stretch my weary paws 'cross their warm stilts. The servants may be dull, but they do make a nice pillow. I shall keep them around for they would be lost without me.

Queen Shoshobeans