I decided to write and perform a spoken word piece about the mixed emotions of turning 30.
This video was written in one day and filmed in one take.

Tim’s channel    / mrmangopie1  

Music and chorus based on Landslide by Fleetwood Mac

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The words:

When I turned 10, I had yet to learn life’s wonders,
All I really cared was that my age now had two numbers.
I remember enjoying each birthday with no thought as to what it all actually meant.
Just food and fun and friends, that yearly event.

I didn’t think ahead, I didn’t think back, I would just enjoy my day,
But by the time I turned 20, I would see things a different way.
Things had happened. Some good. Some bad. Some life changing. But not right away.
They were the kind of lessons that climb into your mind, and hideaway like a stowaway.

But anyway, back to my birthday, as that’s what this is about,
I am now turning 30 and I have this feeling of doubt,
that I’m not ready.

There’s this saying, that ‘your twenties are for working out what to do with your life, and your thirties are for doing it’.
Let’s just say I am well and truly pooing it.
As I don’t have a clue and tomorrow I’m 30,
And the thoughts of who I thought I’d be, really start to hurt me.
Where’s my ideal job, where’s my ideal wife,
where’s my ideal dog and where’s my ideal life?

I am older than my parents were when they bought their house and had me.
But I still feel just the same as I did when I was twenty,
and I’m not just getting older, I’m getting anxiety...

CHORUS:
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older, too

And that’s when they awaken, those stowaway lessons,
learnt a long time ago, now making their impressions.

It is not normal to be 13 and have a friend the same age be taken from this earth.
Or to have the same thing happen at 16, 17 and 19, it doesn’t get much worse.
To come into school to tears and an empty chair in the room,
All our lives just the same, but theirs is over too soon.

But I continued to grow, and despite blow after blow,
I learnt from the grief, switching life from slow to turbo.
Living day by day, each one with the potential to be the last piece of the puzzle.
So why live life like a premade playlist, when you can keep it on shuffle.

But now I’m turning 30, and I’m still fooling around,
And I now feel bad that I’ve never settled down.
I’ve never settled on anything. Going from job to job, house to house,
No signs of security, a career or a spouse.
And now I feel bad, that my life has no direction,
I still feel like I’m 20 and don’t recognise my reflection.

And that’s when they awaken, those stowaway lessons,
learnt a long time ago, now making their impressions.

Reminding me I am happy to be 30.
Reminding me I am lucky to be 30.
Reminding me that some people in my life never got to be 30...

CHORUS:
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Not all children get older
Though I'm getting older, still

So thinking about it, I am grateful for every one of my 30 years,
Every one of my 360 months,
Every one of my 11,000 days,
Because there are billions of ways, to live your life,
Just as long as you appreciate that you actually get to live it.

When I turned 10, I had yet to learn life’s wonders,
But now I’m turning 30, I know that the numbers don’t matter.
Because we don’t celebrate the age we have become,
we celebrate the time we have had,
and that with each new day, you are always luckier than some...

CHORUS:
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Not all children get older
Though I'm getting older, still


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