In a search for her biological parents, this writer/teacher discovers a serenity in releasing the world around her from her own behavioral presumptions. Heather Marshall begins by telling us a story of her Scottish birth parents — they were young, too young for the age, and without options other than to give her up for adoption. Later, as an adult, as she was waiting to meet her birth mother, she had time to consider what her reaction would be if her mother was dying, obese, an exprostitute. How would she react to each of these situations? She dug deep and learned that expectations are like a third party in a relationship, constantly bouncing around in your head. Instead of dwelling on our expectations for others, we should allow ourselves to fully rest in the reality of the moment. "Whatever expectations you have should be kept away from your relationships," she says. Only in this way can you engage in a truly loving relationship with others.

This talk was part of TEDxGreenville UNZIPPED, held April 11, 2014, at the Kroc Center in Greenville, South Carolina. For more information about Heather and her copresenters, please visit http://tedxgreenville.com/2014presenters.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, selforganized events that bring people together to share a TEDlike experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, selforganized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are selforganized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)