To all the Dreamers,

this is the hardest video I ever made. But it has been a long time coming.
I wanted to talk about my past so many times before but allowed fear to hold me back.
Opening up about a time in my life when I was at my weakest is a scary thought. And at the same time, it feels encouraging and liberating. I want to prove to myself that I am strong enough. Strong enough to open up and ready to let go.

I spend all of my life working towards my dream to become a musical theater actress. My days were filled with vocal and piano lessons, acting classes, choir, writing songs, being on stage every chance I got.
I moved to the city to study musical theater and three years later I graduated and was finally able to call myself a musical theater actress.

The stage was giving me what was lacking in my reality. But as we all know you can not escape your reality and all of those bad experiences I made over the years finally caught up to me in 2019. I guess I will tell you about those in time.
But today's video is about the amazing dream that unfortunately became collateral damage. And the anxiety disorder that put an end to it.
I couldn't return back to the stage after having a panic attack while performing. Back then I was not able or wise another to push through my anxiety and not let it claim something so dear to me. But I also had to admit to myself that I was changing dreams way before it really got bad.

Since 2019 I have been trying to get back on my feet again.
Struggling on and off with anxiety and depression. Attempting to gain back control over and trust in my body and mind.
But it is hard. I have good days on which I feel ready to take on the whole world and bad days I spend afraid and stuck in my head.

Slowly but steadily I am sorting through all of the knots in my mind. Raising my awareness and getting to know myself better. I have come a long way since 2019. Making this video is another huge step for me on this journey.
I admit I am afraid of judgment because I am not always able to shield myself against it.
But the biggest threat to my confidence is my own mind which can be very brutal and harsh sometimes. And for the last three years, it was predicting horrible scenarios that kept me small, scared, and silent.

It is time for a reality check. And to let go.
Let go of the fear, the anger, the grief, the panic, the hate, the worries, the doubts.
Opening myself up to acceptance, trust, confidence, and belief.

Thank you for watching my video.

Here´s to dreams, my friends.
Here's to dreams.

Love Lexi



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