Carole Robin spent over 20 years teaching the Stanford Graduate School of Business course Interpersonal Dynamics, affectionately known as “Touchy Feely.” After leaving Stanford, she founded a nonprofit called Leaders in Tech, which applies the Touchy Feely principles to help Silicon Valley executives build their leadership and interpersonal skills. Carole coauthored the popular book Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues, which shares key insights from her decades of teaching these courses. In our conversation, we discuss:
• The benefits of building robust relationships, in life and work
• The 15% rule, and how it will help you build better relationships
• The power of vulnerability
• Examples of how to practice vulnerability
• Why mental models you build early in life hold you back later
• The “three realities” and “the net”
• The art of inquiry
• Practical tips for avoiding defensiveness when getting feedback
• The impact of long Covid on Carole’s life

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Find the transcript at: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/bu...

Where to find Carole Robin:
• LinkedIn:   / carolerobin  
• Email: [email protected]

Where to find Lenny:
• Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com
• X:   / lennysan  
• LinkedIn:   / lennyrachitsky  

In this episode, we cover:
(00:00) Carole’s background
(05:17) The importance of building robust relationships
(10:20) The “Touchy Feely” course at Stanford
(13:29) An example of the inclass experience
(17:19) Leaders in Tech: developing interpersonal competence
(21:36) Progressive disclosure and the 15% rule
(24:28) Appropriate disclosure
(26:52) The power of vulnerability
(34:57) Admitting mistakes and sharing feelings
(37:08) Understanding mental models
(42:57) The “three realities” framework
(53:52) The power of feedback and personal change
(58:47) The art of inquiry
(01:03:27) How to get better at giving feedback
(01:07:47) Exercises and continued learning
(01:10:49) “Advice hinders relationships”
(01:16:49) Failure corner: AFOG
(01:20:30) Takeaways
(01:21:51) Lessons from long Covid

Referenced:
• How to Build Better Relationships: https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights...
• Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues: https://www.amazon.com/ConnectBuildi...
• Leaders in Tech: https://leadersintech.org/
• Leaders in Tech Fellows: https://leadersintech.org/learnaboutf...
• Steve Jobs: https://www.forbes.com/profile/steve...
• Sheryl Sandberg on X:   / sherylsandberg  
• Ursula Burns: https://www.forbes.com/profile/ursula...
• Application for Leaders in Tech: https://leadersintech.org/programsan...
• Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development and Scaffolding Theory: https://www.simplypsychology.org/zone...
• The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable: https://hbr.org/2022/07/thebestlead...
• The Surprising Benefits of Admitting Mistakes: 5 Ways to Build Intellectual Humility: https://www.forbes.com/sites/tracybro...
• How to Build Conflict Skills—The Pinch/Crunch Model: https://www.forbes.com/sites/hannahar...
• Slides mentioned (The Three Realities Framework | The 15% Rule | Feedback Guidelines): https://www.notion.so/penname/Carole...
• Mindset: The New Psychology of Success: https://www.amazon.com/MindsetPsycho...
• Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey?: https://hbr.org/1999/11/managementti...
• Long COVID: major findings, mechanisms and recommendations: https://www.nature.com/articles/s4157...
• Leadership, acceptance, and selfmanagement: my journey with long COVID:   / leadershipacceptanceselfmanagementmyj...  

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