Vile vermin, what meager demon dare to encroach my castle! An evil sprite? A blight! But frightened I am not, for I am Queen of this realm and sworn protector of all who reside. The Dimwits would surely perish without my command; they can barely walk a straight line without tripping o'er me as I walk in front of them. I'm surprised the Simpleton remembers to breathe, its limited mental capacity so consumed with codependence. Shameful. None of them knows what danger grows in every corner of the castle, nor the sacrifice I make squashing demons and shadows. Though it may bring thee, dear reader, to tears and outcries, I must share that in vanquishing this particular interloper, I missed out on not one, but two naps. Yes, 'tis true my loyal subjects. Your Queen lost forever the unquantifiable amount of beauty rest contained within two naps, that I may protect the dullards of my dwelling from scandalous sprites and murderous mice. I'm sure you will thusly declare a month of mourning for my lost naps, devoted you are to ensuring my beauty continue blessing your tedious days with moments of jubilation, fleeting as they are. But do keep it down, it is time for my nappies.

Queen Shoshobeans