The Australian Book Industry Awards are “entirely unbiased” and “completely apolitical”, so I’ve been told. Here’s the winners of 2024! And the Book of the Year goes to: Brian’s Life by John Smith. “Brian is your typical Aussie bloke. He grew up on a dairy farm in regional Queensland. He’s always voted for the National Party. He likes eating meat pies and drinking beer. He voted No in the 2023 Australian Indigenous Voice referendum, and he drives a Ford Ranger. But his girlfriend, Kylie, just dumped him, and the dairy industry has been struggling of late, so earlier this year, Brian took a leap of faith and moved to the Big Smoke to find a job. Unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned. His boss accused him of using language that is not considered “politically correct”. The Government want him to get rid of his Ranger because it doesn’t meet the right “emissions targets”. His colleagues told him he has to change his diet to “save the planet”. What will Brian do? Brian’s Life is the awardwinning novel by acclaimed author and proud North Queenslander John Smith.”

If you couldn’t already tell, Brian’s Life is a work of fiction, in that the book doesn’t exist. I made it up. I guess it was just my attempt at humour to kick off this video. But here is the real Book of the Year for 2024, and this is not a joke.

The Voice to Parliament Handbook by Indigenous leader Thomas Mayo and Australian journalist Kerry O’Brien. It was created as a simple guide to the 2023 Voice to Parliament referendum to address misinformation throughout the campaign. Mr Mayo said himself, “I thought a handbook — something simple that people could hold onto, pass around and share with others to help them find the truth — would be important.” Obviously, the only people who bought this book were people who were going to vote Yes anyway, so it didn’t really have the desired effect. On top of being the Book of the Year, it also won the Social Impact Book of the Year as well as General NonFiction Book of the Year. So it took up three categories! But in my mind, due to the overwhelming No vote at last year’s referendum, I would suggest that this book should now be reclassified as a work of fiction.

The General Fiction Book of the Year went to The Bookbinder of Jericho by Adelaide author Pip Williams. It tells the story of two young sisters during World War I who must bind books at the Oxford University Press. While all the men are off fighting, it’s the job of the women to keep the nation running. One of the sisters has dreams of educating herself and using her intellect, not just her hands. It sounds like a very original storyline.

In unrelated news, the Commissioning Editor/Publisher of the Year goes to these six individuals – not one pesky male to be seen! They must still all be off at war.

The Small Publishers’ Adult Book of the Year goes to Edenglassie by Melissa Lucashenko. Ms Lucashenko tells a story about Brisbane before it was Brisbane in the mid19th century when Aboriginal people still outnumbered white settlers. In her book, she torches Queensland’s colonial myths, while reimagining an Australian future.

They even have a Bookshop of the Year category. One bookshop I found interesting was Big W! For those of you who aren’t Australian, Big W is a giant chain of discount department stores owned by Woolworths. How the hell did they get on there? Well, I’ll tell you how. They stocked a book called Welcome to Sex, a book written for children. And I tell you, it’s pretty graphic. I’ve seen it. I probably can’t even show you half of what’s in it, because I’d probably get banned. But yet, it was out on the shelves for your children to peruse. It actually refers to people as “penisowners” and “vaginaowners”. If only we had specific English words that could describe those sort of people. In July last year, “Big W removes sex education book from shelves after staff members abused”.

And guess which book won an award this year? That’s right! Book of the Year for Older Children (ages 13+), Welcome to Sex by Melissa Kang and Yumi Stynes. Coauthor Yumi Stynes said the book is for 1015 yearolds, but she’d be happy with a mature 8yearold having a flick through. Why can’t children just be children for crying out loud?

Anyway, they’re some of the books that won the prestigious Australian awards, but Big W winning a Bookshop of the Year award? I think I’m done. I can’t do anymore.

So revisiting what I said at the start, the Australian Book Industry Awards are “entirely unbiased” and “completely apolitical”. Do you agree? Or did I really stuff that up?

MUSIC
Allégro by Emmit Fenn